6 Steps to Organizing an Older Relative's Move Part 1

Preparing to move an older relative out of his home

Step 1: Get the whole family on board

Moving an older relative from his family home to a new — and usually smaller — residence is labor intensive for you and emotionally disruptive for him. Tempting though it may be, it’s not a good idea to “surprise” a family member by sorting through his stuff when he’s not around. If you try to make an executive decision about his belongings, chances are, you’re headed for a run-in with him or others in your family.
To help prevent emotional flare-ups and ensure a smooth process, schedule a meeting with the whole family, if possible, to discuss the plan of attack well ahead of the move-out date. (If you can’t get together, do it by phone.) Hash out some guidelines: Under what circumstances will you call each other on “keep or discard” decisions? When will you consult the person who’s moving? What key possessions would you and your other family members like to keep in the family?
Encourage the person who’s moving to actively participate in decisions. For example, adult children often want to throw away old furniture and buy newer, more attractive pieces for their parent’s new home. But the parent should be able to pick what comes with him, says Dollar. “Let them take their own furniture if they want to — they know what will make them most comfortable in their new home, and sentimental value often counts for more than aesthetics.”

Step 2: Work slowly when packing up — think months, not days

Your relative’s home is more than just a roof over his head: It’s the place where he feels most comfortable, a museum of his memories and life stories.
Complicating matters, if he lived through the lean Depression years, chances are he’s spent a lifetime saving and collecting. Decades of squirreling away can add up to a house that’s packed floorboard to rafter with stuff. As you begin organizing for a move, keep in mind that seemingly worthless belongings may have huge sentimental value for him, and he’ll need time to sort through his things on his own terms. Try to resist the urge to execute the move as quickly as possible.
“It really needs to be a three- to four-month process. You need to give an older adult time to go through the love letters, the report cards, and the photographs from the Grand Canyon,” says Jacqueline Dollar, a geriatric care manager in Des Moines, Iowa. “It’s a wonderful chance to go back and reaffirm the full, productive life that he’s had.”

Step 3: Get real about the size of your older relative’s new place

“In almost every case I’ve been involved with, people take more stuff than will fit in their new space,” says Gayle Grace, a moving coordinator in Oakland, California. “Many times I’ve been called back in to help do more weeding out after the move.”
Avoid this situation by first getting a sense of how much square footage and storage your relative will have in his new home. What he can keep will depend on how much room you have to work with. Getting realistic about space constraints up front — even sitting down with him to sketch out what can go where — will help force some of the harder decisions about what to get rid of.