Caring for a Parent

Caring for an aging individual, typically an aging parent, poses unique challenges that can be difficult for both parties to manage. Many caregivers dedicate so much of themselves to caring for a loved one that they ignore their own needs. It is essential for caregivers to take time to care for themselves, as well as their loved one. Virginia Morris, in her book, How To Care For Aging Parents, provides twelve steps to a healthy mindset for caregivers.

Take five. Remove yourself from the situation once in a while. Take time to refuel and do something you enjoy.
Maintain social supports. Family, friends, and support groups can provide a sympathetic ear and make you laugh.
Shift gears. Slow down from the fast pace. Enjoy the silence.
The worrying hour. Rather than stewing on your worries, set aside a specific time each day just for worries.
Laugh. Scientists have found that humor strengthens the immune system and relieves stress.
Get some perspective. Stay abreast of what is happening in the world. It will help you put your problems in perspective.
Take action. Get informed. Ask questions when dealing with professionals. If you have a concern with a staff member, talk to the person involved. Be pleasant, but persistent.
Avoid the “coulda-shoulda-wouldas.” Focus on what can be.
Pursue other interests. Clearing your mind will help you regain balance.
Obtain spiritual support. Don’t deny your spiritual needs.
Meditation and massage. Let go of the stress.
Pamper yourself. Treat yourself to a hot bath, shopping or a special dinner, whatever brings you pleasure.

Lastly, consider getting help. Try to let go of the guilt and feelings of obligation to manage the situation on your own and, if you need help in the form of a little relief, professional caregiver or supportive living environment for your loved one, explore your options. Without this type of help, in the long run, your ability to cope could wear thin, and, if that is the case, you won’t be serving your own or your parent’s best interests.

And beyond finding support for the situation, look for emotional help for yourself as well. For some caregivers, the guilt associated with helping a parent may necessitate seeking professional counseling or support groups. Remember your feelings are normal. You need to address your feelings to maintain your well-being.