Planning The Move to Assisted Living: The Emotional Aspects of Moving

Help someone deal with emotions over moving

The decision to move — whether to an independent living community, assisted living community, or nursing home — is only the beginning of what can be a long and challenging journey. Helping someone through this important transition takes research and planning. Here’s a 10-step guide to smoothing her way to her new home and the next phase of her life.

1. Talk to her — and don’t forget to listen.

Even though moving will often improve her quality of life, it’s also likely to stir up all kinds of emotions, and even trigger what Nan Hayes, founder of Moveseniors.com, calls “transition trauma.” Many older adults are filled with anxiety about what a move will mean. They may see moving as a sign of defeat and a harbinger of increasing loss of control and independence.
The listening part should come first — find out as much as you can about her health, needs, fears, and hopes, so you can help her make the best choice possible.

After that, it’s your turn to talk. Help her understand that moving can be “just as freeing as going away to college,” Hayes says. The range of options has broadened tremendously since her parents’ day, and as the human lifespan gets longer and longer, a late-in-life move has come to be a rite of passage just as natural as buying a starter home. If you can help her see a move as a positive transition rather than a defeat, you’ll be off to a good start.

2. To reduce stress, hold off on selling the house if possible.

Moving is hard enough without asking her to live in a home that a realtor is showing to prospective buyers. If she has the assets to finance a move in the short run — or if you can lend her the deposit or entrance fee — move first, sell later is the way to go. If she’s moving to a community where she has to buy an apartment or condominium, a mortgage broker may be able to help her get a “bridge loan” to cover the down payment until she sells her home.

3. Plan on giving her extra support after the move.

A move may be the best thing for her, but it’s also going to be exhausting for her, physically and emotionally. A good assisted living community will offer plenty of support during the transition, but if you’re able to make time for extra visits in the days or weeks after the move, it will help reassure her that the most important things in her life — like family and friends — aren’t going to change.